What Just Happened?
by Ryna-chan
Summary: [Series of oneshots] Some may call it humorous, others may call it crazy and some may call it just plain stupid. But whatever it may be, hopefully it will make you all ask: What just happened...?
1. Not so Much of a Habit

**Taking a break from **Daily Lessons**…It's hard to do humor with it, ya know? **

**So, Ryna-chan presents…a bunch of weird oneshots. No, really. O.o It's like, random stuff that you wouldn't see the characters doing, or what you couldn't really imagine…so here it is!**

**Oh, these are gonna have almost everyone at some point, so as far as I know, there is no main character…but you never know. Oh, another note, these are most likely gonna be really short, like humor fixes! Whoa, weird simile… **

**I don't own Tales of Symphonia. Duh. **

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_**Character(s): **_Kratos 

_**Genre: **_General

**_Rating: _**K+

**_Timeline: _**Cruxis era; before Anna arc

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Kratos loved taking showers.

The way the hot water would slide down his rough skin; removing any and all dirt or grime from his body. He loved the way the steam would ease his weary muscles, and how every problem seemed to drain away as easily as the water.

Kratos was once again enjoying the bliss that was taking a shower.

Quickly peeling off his purple and lilac mercenary outfit, Kratos stepped into the already running shower; nearly shuddering as the water splashed onto his back.

Not wasting any time though, because he had many things to do and was quite busy, the seraph quickly poured out a small amount of shampoo in the palm of his hand.

He began to massage his head, slightly groaning as the pure white suds on his hair became gray with filth. How he even _managed_ to live with his hair so dirty, he wasn't quite sure.

Kratos closed his garnet eyes and submerged his head completely in the drizzle of water, washing away the muck and remaining shampoo.

Finally convinced that his auburn locks were actually clean, Kratos then began to lather soap into a small washcloth; cleaning his body of any offending grime.

As he was washing, Kratos couldn't help but begin to hum a little tune to himself; a song he had once heard in Meltokio. What was it called…? Ze…something's theme…? Pulling himself from his wandering mind, as he tended to do more often, the auburn haired man rinsed his body free of any residue. Sadly, the cleaning part was done with, but Kratos wasn't so eager to step out just then. The water was so comforting and the two worlds weren't going to suddenly explode if he stayed a little longer…

It wasn't until an hour had passed that, the seraph painfully aware of his skin wrinkling from all the moisture, he exited the shower; throwing on the clean Cruxis uniform that he had brought along.

"That…was wonderful," Kratos murmured to himself, his garnet eyes glazing over from sheer pleasure. "I am certainly looking forward to next month's showering."

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**(cue "EWW!!" from readers)**

**Haha, didn't see THAT coming, did ya? XD **

**I wonder sometimes…do they EVER shower/take baths? Kratos seems like the clean type to me…(shrugs) **


	2. Unrequited love?

**I don't own Tales of Symphonia. This **goes for the rest of the chapters**, cause I don't want to take anymore space than it already does, m'kay? Oh, as a note, the "Genre" label is an add on to the original "Humor", so like the last one: it was "Humor/general" and this one is "Romance(?)/Angst/ Humor"...or whatever order. **

**And don't get used to me updating so quickly! Haha, it will probably be another week or so when I upate again **

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_**Character(s): **_Yuan, Kratos 

_**Genre: **_Romance(?)/Angst

_**Rating: **_K

_**Timeline: **_Right before events in Tales of Symphonia

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_Yuan… when will you ever see me?_

_I've been waiting for you the entire time; watching, biding my time until you could notice and acknowledge me._

_I've been under your nose for so long, how is it that you keep neglecting me?_

_I long for your touch, to grace your countenance, for your breath to fall upon me; if only I could tell you all these things…But even if I could tell you, you would never listen. _

_You would probably say I'm too masculine for you…perhaps you're right, but can't I only compliment your beauty? Oh, who am I to fool._

_You would never want me. _

"Yuan?"

"Hm…?" the cobalt swiftly twirled around to face his companion of old.

"Yuan…er," Kratos Aurion gave a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I don't know how to put this into words, but…"

Yuan frowned thoughtfully, perplexed by his friend's behavior. "If you need to say something, just say it." The half elf was so blunt; the auburn haired man took another moment to collect his scattered thoughts once more.

"Well…" Kratos coughed and pointed at Yuan's face. "You have a mustache growing."

A minute of silence passed. The two seraphim stared blankly at each other, one not knowing how to react, and the other uneasy of a reaction.

"You serious!?" Yuan dashed to the nearest mirror that presented itself, and gaped in horror of the long dark whiskers that had begun to develop on his upper lip. "NOOO!!" the cobalt fell on his knees to the floor, raising his fist to the ceiling and cursing all the Summon Spirits.

"Yuan…" Kratos shook his head sadly, relieved that they were the only ones inside the building. His friend was such an embarrassment at times. "You simply need to start shaving like the rest of us."

The half elf blubbered, scary images of shaving cream and razors danced in his head. "B-but…" He whined pitifully, "I don't want to be like you old men!!"

Kratos twitched. "Old men…?" Still, the human rolled his eyes as he dragged Yuan to the bathroom; to teach the cobalt how to properly shave without maiming himself.

_Oh Yuan! You finally recognize me, and you kill me! Slaughtering me slowly, without any remorse…But I will come back._

_Maybe then you will allow me to charm your upper lip…_

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…**Still confused? Just reread the beginning knowing that Yuan was growing a mustache. Get it now? No? Eh, I tried. **

**And that's why a question mark was put next to the "Romance". Haha, YuanXMustache? I dunno, seemed kinda one-sided to me…XD**

**Oh, Martel, I'm so stupid. (cries)**


	3. Darkness

**_Character(s):_** Lloyd, Sheena

**_Genre:_** Suspense

_**Rating:**_ K

**_Timeline:_** Within the Darkness Temple

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"Heheheh…"

"Lloyd?"

"Hehehehe…"

"Er…Lloyd?"

An unusual noise came from the back of the twin swordsman's throat. His chocolate eyes almost held a crazed glare to them as he continued to stare at the object within his hands.

Sheena flinched as she watched the young man. "Lloyd…?" She prompted again, poking the brunette's shoulder.

"…what…?" Lloyd responded hoarsely, shifting his weary eyes towards the summoner. His orbs looked to be sunken in, and Sheena suppressed a shudder.

At first, the raven head couldn't think of what to say after gaining his attention. She stood silent for a moment, before simply shrugging and said: "Stop poking at Shadow."

"Aww…" Lloyd placed the small piece of the Summon Spirit on the floor. "That was cool!" The brunette grinned widely, in the same lighthearted attitude, as he turned to continue with the rest of the group.

Sheena shuddered openly as he turned to leave. "And I thought Raine was scary…"

Lloyd cackled quietly to himself. _Darkness gooood…_


	4. In Need of Anger Management

**_Character(s): _**Kratos, Zelos, Lloyd

_**Genre:**_ General

_**Rating:**_ K+

**_Timeline:_** (AU) Post-game

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Kratos felt his left eye twitch.

He was _not_ in the mood for teaching.

Unfortunately, he was the only available and willing teacher in Iselia, for Raine had left to travel the new world of Symphonia with her little brother, Genis. Kratos had stepped in to replace the great loss of the village's only instructor.

_Oh how the mighty have fallen _The seraph thought resentfully, as a paper airplane whooshed by his head, signaling his entrance into his classroom.

Granted, the swordsman didn't have many students, but the _students_ weren't the problem…

"Bout time you get here, old man!"

"You took forever, Professor Dad!"

It was the daily visitors.

Lloyd sat in his old desk, while Zelos sat next the brunette, both smiling widely.

_Did I really do __**that**__ much to deserve this…?_ "Okay, class…today we're going to review-"

Before Kratos could go into "lecture mode", as most students had come to recognize it as, he was interrupted by a raised red gloved hand.

"Professor Dad, today's Friday!" Lloyd announced, not even waiting to be called on before he spoke.

"…and?" Kratos stared blankly at his son. Was it really that big of a deal? Should school have been _canceled_?

"Well…" the brunette grinned. "We should have a free day!"

At Lloyd's words, the entire class broke into an uproar. The children began screaming crazily, jumping upon each other. Zelos and Lloyd laughed together as they joined in the chaos.

The seraph simply sat at his desk and buried his face into his hands. Soon, he began muttering a few choice words…

Zelos approached Kratos nonchalantly, noticing that the Professor was quiet the entire time. "Old man," he began, sweeping into a low bow, "Would you honor the class with your wise words?"

"…in peace, sinners…!"

The red head did a double take. "K-Kratos…?!" He squeaked. He didn't hear what he thought he did, right?

RIGHT!?!

The seraph abruptly threw his head up; a wide grin plastered on his lips.

"**JUDGMENT**!!"


	5. Evilness in the form of fuzz

**For** Poet Bucky**. Heheh, I'm surprised I didn't think of this, thanks!**

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_**Character(s):**_ Colette, Kratos, Genis 

**_Genre:_** Horror

**_Rating:_** K+

_**Timeline:**_ In-game; before Kratos' betrayal

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Colette felt tears stinging her crystal blue eyes. Her throat burned from all the time she spent running, but her pursuers…

"Help me!" The blonde cried desperately, praying that anyone would hear her plea. Still, she continued to run through the streets, and there wasn't a human presence in sight.

Her pursuers were catching up to her; Colette could feel it, but there wasn't much she could do…

Tears finally fell freely from her eyes as she choked on a sob and tripped over the uneven concrete. The blonde felt her pale skin scraped, but she didn't focus on the pain; all she heard were the predators gathering around her.

A piercing shriek rang through the air.

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"Has anyone seen the Chosen?" Kratos Aurion glanced around himself, in search of familiar blonde hair.

"She went into the city to see a dog, or something like that…" Genis scratched the back of his head in wonder. "But aren't there only cats there…?"

"Hmm…"

Puzzling indeed.


	6. The Right Way for Revenge

**That's right! Four terrible stories in one update!! Yesh! Just for you readers, because I have no faith as an author anymore! (smiles)**

**Wait, that's not right...**

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_**Character(s):**_ ???, Regal,Vharley 

**_Genre:_** Drama

**_Rating:_** T

_**Timeline:**_ (AU) Cross-over

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A blue clad man with black spiky hair slammed his hands upon the polished wooden desk he was standing behind. "Objection!" He cried, pointing his finger accusingly at the person standing in front of the Courtroom. "That's a contradiction!"

"How is that, Mr. Wright?" The judge carefully regarded the defense attorney.

"Well…" Mr. Phoenix Wright rubbed his chin in thought. "The witness stated that he had no motive, correct?"

The witness, a large man named Vharley, nodded his head in agreement. "T-that's right…"

"But…" Phoenix grinned widely as he pulled out a sheet of paper, "This is a contract that states my client gave his mines to this witness…That sounds like a motive to me," He slammed his hands again for emphasis, the same grim glint of determination within his eyes. "He obviously **blackmailed** my client!!"

"Objection!" The cry came from the opposite side of the courtroom, belonging to the prosecutor, a silver haired man in an elegant maroon suit. "What relevance does that have with this murder, Wright?" The man smirked broadly, shrugging in a casual fashion. "Would you care to explain why you are badgering the witness about blackmail?"

"I would love to, Edgeworth." The raven haired man beamed at the shocked expression that he received from his rival. "You see…_how_ exactly, did the witness blackmail Mr. Bryant?"

The courtroom buzzed quietly with the presented question.

"Mr. Regal Bryant is the president of the biggest company in the world," Phoenix continued; he was on a roll, "Why…he has everything…and no dark secrets." It was such a bold statement, the courtroom roared to life, until the judge slammed his gavel to demand silence.

"So, how else would Mr. Vharley convince my client to hand over his mines…?!" Phoenix took a deep breath; it was best to grasp straws and ask questions later, "He took the only one special to him!!"

Immediately, Phoenix saw the effect that his guess caused. Miles Edgeworth flinched harshly, as the witness did. The court began starting a riot, but what the blue clad man saw the most interesting was his own client.

Regal looked to be as pale as a sheet. Sweat freely dripped on his brow, put he suddenly stood up with his handcuffs jingling. "Revenge!" He swore, and the blue haired man jumped unto the witness.

Before anyone could see what had happened, Vharley was dead, kicked to death by the client.

"Er…" Phoenix stared blankly at his client, covered in another person's blood.

The judge was quick to talk as everyone turned unnaturally quiet. "I find the client, Regal Bryant, for the murder of Alicia and Vharley…"

_**GUILTY**_


End file.
